of the world! As you know, I just re-send the best joke(s) I get from
the emails I gather for that one week. If this is your first time to receive
this, welcome to a new and (hopefully) entertaining addiction!
I know we are all
different so I try to avoid jokes that are political, racial,
sexual and religious. Remind me if I over-step my self-induced boundaries
because some jokes are just too good to be censored. I will include
original cartoons to go along with the joke. What that means is you
will be among the first in the world to view my cartoons. One last
thing --- I create this late Thursday evening so if you see a typo or
something even more glaring, blame it on my sleep-deprived condition.
HERE'S A SAMPLE
OF WHAT TO EXPECT (for
more you need to subscribe)
by Mayie of Encino, CA
sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the
96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells
to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or
out of the bath?"
94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll
come up and see"
She starts up the stairs and pauses. "Was I
going up the stairs or down?"
92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to
her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I
sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood!"
She then yells, "I'll come up and help both
of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
by Edith of South Pasadena
One night three convicts came looking to find a place to hide out. They
had stumbled upon a Farm, so they went in. One of them accidentally steps
on a chicken and it clucked so loud the farmer heard it.
Farmer went to investigate what the loud noises was. The men heard the
farmer come and hid in different places, The first guy hid behind a cow,
The second guy hid behind a horse, And the third guy hid behind the sacks
of Potatoes. When the farmer came in he saw nothing but he still went
in to see.
When he came close
to the cows the man behind them said "Moo."
The farmer moved on to the horse's, the man behind the horse's said "Neighh."
Then the farmer went to the sacks of the potatoes, and the third man behind
them said "POTATOES!"
by Owel of East Brunswick, New Jersey
was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new
Chief if the coming winter was going to cold or mild. Since he was
a Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets.
When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going
to be like. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe
that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of
the village should collect firewood to be prepared.
But, being a
practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to
the phone booth, call the National Weather
Service and asked, "Is
the coming winter going to be cold?"
looks like this winter is going to be quite cold"
the meteorologist at the weather service responded. So, the Chief
went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood
in order to be prepared.
week later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Does
it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?"
the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's
going to be a very cold winter." The Chief again went
back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood
they could find.
Two weeks later, the
Chief called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely
sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
the man replied. "It's looking more
and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever!"
can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.
replied, "The Indians are collecting
firewood like crazy!"
by Garie of Manila, Philippines
priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a rabbi all served as chaplains to
the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would
get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone
made the comment that preaching to people isn't really that hard.
A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to
another, and they decided to do a seven-day experiment. They would
all go out into the woods, find a bear and preach to it.
Seven days later,
they're all together to discuss the experience. Father O'Flannery,
who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages,
he says, in a fine Irish brouge, "Ey wint oot
into th' wooods to fynd me a bearr. Oond when Ey fund him Ey began
to rread to him from the Baltimorre Catechism. Welll, thet bearr wanted
naught to do wi' me und begun to slap me aboot. So I quick grrabbed
me holy water and, THE SAINTS BE PRAISED, he became as gentle as a
lamb. The bishop is cooming oot next wik to give him fierst communion
Reverend Billy Bob
spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts,
and an IV drip.
his best fire and brimstone oratory he proclaimed, "WELL,
brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle...WE DUNK! I went out and
I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to him from God's HOOOOLY
WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. I SAY NO! He wanted
NOTHING to do with me. So I took HOOOLD of him and we began to rassle.
We rassled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we come
to a crick. So I quick DUNK him and BAPTIZE his hairy soul. An' jus
like you sez, he wuz gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the week
in fellowship, feasting on God's HOOOOLY word."
They both look down
at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and
traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him.
The rabbi looks up
and says, "Oy! You don't know what tough is until you try to circumcise
one of those creatures!"
HERE to view one of the actual emails
| A Little
This tradition started back in 2003 as an email among
my friends. It was too popular to keep it to the small group so I started
sharing it with more and more people. Today I have subscribers from all
over the world.
TGIF Joke is now available online. We have partnered with
TravelingBoy.com and we come out mostly the same Friday morning the email
is sent out.
If you would like to be part of the mailing list, or have
any suggestions and questions, email me at:
Or you can SUBSCRIBE
original drawings by Raoul Pascual. © All Rights Reserved. 2007.
This website is designed and maintained by
WYNK Marketing. Address all technical issues to firstname.lastname@example.org
US Law Court Transcripts
by Bernie of Virginia
These are from a book
called "Disorder in the American Courts", and are things
people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm
while these exchanges were actually taking place.
Q: What is your
date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: What gear were
you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q: This myasthenia
gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've
Q: How old is your
son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
Q: Do you know
if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
Q: Now doctor,
isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about
it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Q: The youngest son,
the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
Q: Were you present
when your picture was taken?
Q: So the date
of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
Q: She had three
Q: How many were boys?
Q: Were there any girls?
Q: How was your
first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Q: Can you describe
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
Q: ALL your responses
MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
Q: Doctor, how many
autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: Do you recall
the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Q: Doctor, before
you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
Q: Did you check for breathing?
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
by Naomi of Burbank
What do you do when
you and your buddy have time to kill? These two chinese teenagers certainly
spent it "constructively." I wonder if they realized they were
going to be world famous. Since I first put this out, this video has been
aired in major media stations like NBC and CNN. Turn up the volume. This
here for the Chinese video
from Friday and Monday
by Randy of Pasadena
Randy says he doesn't
usually send out jokes but he had to make an exception with this one.
I'm glad he did. Crank up the sound for the full effect.
here for the video