Greetings workers of the world! As you know, I just re-send the best joke(s) I get from the emails I gather for the week. If this is your first time to receive this, welcome to a new and (hopefully) entertaining addiction!
Welcome to the new year. As is our tradition, we present the most popular jokes of 2006 based on stats and subjective feedback. These were the jokes that had the most reactions and had the most number of hits.
Don't forget to read the changes on the way we do things here in the Raoulisms section.
TGIF
people!
Address all suggestions and questions to: .
Best TGIF Jokes of 2006
Third
most popular joke
Monastery Life
sent
by Rod of Glendale, CA
A young monk arrives
at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying
the old canons and laws of the church by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
He
goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery
where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked
vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go
by and nobody sees the old abbot.
So, the young monk
gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head
against the wall and wailing,
"We missed the "R"
! , we missed the "R"
!"
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying
uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong,
father?"
With a choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was CELEBRATE."
Second most popular joke
Hen Life
sent by Naomi of Burbank, CA
Tom does what he normally he always does --- kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling asleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe sitting next to him..
"What the heck are you doing in my bedroom? ... and who are you?" he asked.
"This is
not your bedroom," the man replied,
"I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven."
"WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too young," said Tom. "I want you to send me back immediately."
"It's not that easy", said St.Peter. "You can only return as a dog or a hen. The choice is your own."
Tom thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog would be too tiring, but a hen would probably have a nice and relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad.
"I want to return as a hen," Tom replied.
And in the next second, he found himself nicely feathered and in a chicken farm. But now he felt like his rear end was gonna blow. Then along came the rooster.
"Hey, you must be the new hen St. Peter told me about," he said. "How do you like being a hen?"
"Well, OK I guess, but it feels like my butt is about to explode."
"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. You need to lay an egg."
"How do I do that?" Tom asked.
"Cluck twice, and then you push all you can."
Tom clucked twice and pushed more than he was good for, and then 'plop' an egg was on the ground.
"Wow" Tom said. "That felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground.
The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout:
"Doggone
it Tom! Wake up! You're messin' up the bed sheets again!"
The most popular joke of 2006
Rating: PG13
Hollywood Squares
sent by Mike of New York
If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever not scripted and (often) dull, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute
jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last
as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going
to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitain,
if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive,
is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends
to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more
than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help,"
and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend
to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll
give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear
leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided
to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect
score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste
to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the
other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer
in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire
Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head
he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two
years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is
there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected
part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great
Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer
period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who
is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed
that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least
two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what
are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
Best TGIF Videos of 2006
Fourth
most popular video
German
Coast Guard
sent
by Bernie of Virginia
If you have a high bandwidth, click on the picture below.
Third
most popular video
The Red Dot
sent
by Annie of Virginia
Click on the picture
Turn up your volume and find the red dot. Find the right
dot and you will be rewarded with sound.
(You will need MS Powerpoint to view this)
Office Practical Joke
sent by Dave of New York
I'm so glad someone decided to capture this video. If this doesn't make your day, you need to get out of the office more. (click on picture)
The
most popular video of 2006
Laughing
Babies
sent
by Kathleen of Boston
Everybody loves a cute baby. More so if it has an infectious laughter. Now multiply that by 4 and what do you have? Laughing quintuplets --- our video for today!
|
TGIF
CLASSIFIED ADS Looking for Dinner Speaker HAPPY 2007--I
am an elected member of the NSHC (60 years of age and older). We
mirror the U.S Congress (100 Silver Senators and 435 Senior Reps.)We
meet annually in the Washington DC area. Our next meeting (Feb 24-26,
2007) will be at the Hilton Mark Center, Alexandria, VA. We are
looking for a dinner speaker (humorous sp). We are a not-profit
group (which means no pay) and non-partisan. We pass resolutions
which go to members of Congress regarding American Senior issues.
Do you know anyone in the DC area that might be looking for a free
meal and fits the billing to keep a group of seniors laughing? Kundiman Concert Jan. 12 “Passion.
Confession. Kundiman.” An evening of Classical Serenades from
the Philippines will fill the Zipper Concert Hall at the Colburn
School of Performing Arts in downtown Los Angeles on Friday, January
12, 2007. Violinist Stephen Y. S. Shey, accompanied by Kanako
Nishikawa, will woo audiences in his first performance in a
west coast city. The event sponsored by the Asian Division Friends
Society of the Library of Congress http://www.lcasianfriends.org,
in cooperation with the Philippine Consulate in Los Angeles, is
the first in a planned series of fundraisers in 2007 for the development
of a Filipino American Collection as part of a larger Asian American
Documentation Studies proposed for the Library of Congress.
|
|
Raoul-isms
It's a New TGIF Year There are changes in the TGIF horizon. I hope to lessen my preparation time every week and be of better service to you faithful readers. Whereas before, the cut-off date was Wednesday, now there really is no cut off date. It was difficult for me to cram the selection, the creation and the layout of each issue in a day. Now I will simply put all the best jokes in a holding bin and choose fewer winning jokes. I'll try to shorten each issue FAVORITE JOKES. What are my favorite jokes? I really like the narrative jokes the most. They seem to lend well with a set of progressing images. I love to draw those cartoons. I also like jokes with a theme like the most popular joke of 2006 --- the Hollywood Squares set of jokes. I have found that religious jokes, senior jokes, animal jokes, tech jokes, jokes with puns, blonde (or airhead) jokes and baby jokes are the most popular. Jokes from life are also well received. My ideal joke is one that's new, short and packs a great punchline. They are the ones you can share in a party or dinner table. Sexual jokes, political jokes and toilet humor don't usually pass my Board of Censors (my wife and myself). In 2006, I started featuring humorous videos and you guys sent me exceptional ones. Some weren't really funny but were amazing. Keep those videos coming! I know that some readers cut and paste my drawn up jokes and label them as their own. C'mon guys! I'm not asking any pay for this so at least give me credit by forwarding the whole TGIF with the contact information. ADVERTISING Speaking of pay. You noticed that there are a few more advertisers. I didn't ask for them, they came to me. This year I will start paying those dreaded student loans. Forgive me but I could use all the money I can find. Call me if you want to place an ad. For the sake of my advertisers like Alan Dias' Send-Out-Cards and Al Dugan of Furniture Medic. please give them a call. They're nice guys and they provide great service. WEBSITE The website version has Google Ads. Everytime you click on any of those ads, Google gives me a few cents. Quite miniscule but they can add up. Please check them out. In the web version of TGIF, I will start putting favorite links --- websites that are helpful and informative. I still haven't decided but I might create a section for the "Censored Jokes." Again, there has been much clamor for these "rejects" that are politically incorrect and overly sexual. Do I dare? I'll have to see if I want to spend time on this. I guess the only way you can know for sure if I do this is by checking the website. MY MISSION When I started this over 3 years ago, I wanted to lighten the load of my friends at work. Things haven't really changed. If I manage to rescue someone from the boring work routine on a Friday morning, or if I manage to bless you --- then that's the thanks I get. I appreciate your feedback. It's a simple goal but it takes hours of effort on my part. But you're worth it. TGIF people! * * * REMINDER: This email is sent without any major editing so refinements usually come a few days later on the website version ... but even that isn't very good. |
All original drawings
by Raoul Pascual. © All Rights Reserved. 2006. This website is designed
and maintained by WYNK Marketing.
Address all technical issues to support@wynkmarketing.com
Feedback
From Dette
- What a howler your TGIF Christmas edition was. I just loved the wit
and humor of the joke about gift wrapping and the wise 3 men. Har,har,har.
As a matter of fact, I picked up the tip about making your own wrapping
paper with cut apple and starch. I think I will teach this to my women's
group (Lay Affiliates of the Good Shepherd) and include this item in our
next rummage sale.
Congratulations for the year 2006, no misses. What discipline! What an
example of caring.
All hail!
* * *
From Linda - A Blessed New Year to you and your family. And thanks for sharing all the wonderful jokes. Mabuhay!
* * *
From Dading
- we are grateful indeed for the tgif. it is guaranteed, i have found
out, to bring a smile, a chuckle or a loud guffaw no matter the weather
or the time of day it is opened. the drawings are just priceless. thanks
raoul for this gift you give us every single friday. may you and your
family continue in good health. happy new year.
* * *
From Philip - I do enjoy seeing your newsletters. Happy New Year!
* * *
From Debbie - Thank you Raoul for a great group of TGIF's for 2006. I really liked the Gift Wrapping. The tradition was probably started by a MAN! Happy New Year!
* * *
From Alan -
The leaf blower thing is funny. Years ago we bought a heavily wooded piece
of land to build on. I told Linda that I would get her a chain saw for
Christmas. She gave me the usual "Yah, yah". I kept telling
her and everyone else the she was getting the saw for Christmas. I bought
the saw and also a fur coat she loved at a local furrier's shop.
I put the coat in a large box, packed tissue over it and nestled the saw
in the middle. Then I put a large ribbon around the box and topped it
off with a red gas can. I put the box under the tree.
As the presents were being opened, people kept urging Lin to open her
present. Finally she walked over and pulled open the box, "It's a
chain saw. Gee thanks." And she sat down again.
"I said, there are accessories. Why don't you show everyone what
they are."
She walked back and pulled out the saw. Then without looking she put her
hand into the mass of tissue. When she felt the fur, she screamed, flash
bulbs popped and the coat flew clear to the ceiling.
* * *
From Kathleen - Raoul .. .great work with TGIF! It's an accomplishment to get it out week after week! Here's to a great 2007!
* * *
From Pegi -
what a wonderful delight to laugh out loud! : ) thank you for a much needed
moment! ; )
happy new year...
god bless you, your family...
and all those you reach every week....
T.G.I.F.
* * *
From Mike -
How was Christmas?
For me it's just the 4 of us. What my wife give each other are Santa Letters
from the Post Office. We don't need anything, so I fill a letter and give
her the letter.
One year a kid about 13 from the upper west side, guess what he wanted? If he could ask Santa for anything in the world .... All he wanted was - soap towels and toilet paper.
Merry Christmas To You And Your Family
ADVERTISEMENT
|
Send out real
Greeting Cards and/or postcards to friends, family and business
associates from your computer in 2007. Call Alan Dias and he will sign you up for a FREE
GUEST ACCOUNT courtesy of Raoul. |
