Greetings workers of the world! As ou know, I just re-send the best joke(s) I get from the emails I gather for that one week. If this is your first time to receive this, welcome to a new and (hopefully) entertaining addiction!

It's Jewish appreciation week! From the little I understand about jewish culture, I do know that Yom Kippur was last Monday and there was a recent holiday event that just ended. Anyway, people have been sending me Jewish jokes and I actually learned a few things about the culture just by reading the jokes. I admit that I don't get many of them since they reference some names and holidays that I am not privy to. We've been making countless Christian jokes and so I thought we should give the Jews equal time. Before I did this I asked a good Jewish friend of mine if it was okay to post them and he gave his seal of approval.

Thanks to Ed of Burbank who came up with 2 lengthy colleftions. Howard of Pasadena also sent a clever Jewish joke. Sylvia of Virginia sent yet another joke about heaven and another joke about surgeons. For our videos, Shag of New York sent this silly gag but it still got me laughing. Lastly, Sam of Alhambra sent this amazing video achieved by perfect coordination.

TGIF people!

Address all suggestions and questions to: .

Jewish Mindset
sent by Ed of Burbank
An Oldie but Goldie

1. The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.

2. Where there's smoke, there may be salmon.

3. No meal is complete without leftovers.

4. According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten only in Chinese restaurants.

5. A shmata is a dress that your husband's ex is wearing.

6. You need 10 men for a minion, but only 4 in polyester pants and white shoes for pinochle.

7. One mitzvah can change the world; 2 will just make you tired.

8. After the destruction of the Second temple, God created Loehmann's.

9. Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.

10. Never take a front row seat at a Bris.

11. Next year in Jerusalem. The year after that, how about a nice cruise?

12. Never leave a restaurant empty handed.

13. Spring ahead, fall back, winters in Boca.

14. WASP's leave and never say goodbye; Jews say goodbye and never leave.

15. Always whisper the names of diseases.

16. If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.

17. The important Jewish holidays are the ones on which alternate side of the street parking is suspended.

18. Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?

19. If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it. But if you can afford it, make sure to tell everybody what you paid.

20. Laugh now, but one day you'll be driving a Lexus and eating dinner at 4:00 PM in Florida.

Signs on Synagogue Bulletin Boards
sent by Ed of Burbank

1. Under same management for over 5767 years.

2. Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case.

3. What part of "Thou shalt not" don't you understand?

4. Shul committees should be made up of 3 members, 2 of whom should be absent at every meeting.

5. Sign over the urinal in a bathroom at Hebrew University:"The future of the Jewish people is in your hands."

6. My mother is a typical Jewish mother. Once she was on jury duty. They sent her home. She insisted SHE was guilty.

7. Any time a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

8. It was mealtime during a flight on El Al. "Would you like dinner?,"the flight attendant asked Moshe, seated in front. "What are my choices?," Moshe asked. "Yes, or no," she replied.

9. An elderly Jewish man is knocked down by a car and is brought to the local hospital. A pretty nurse tucks him into bed and says, "Mr.Gevarter, are you comfortable?" Gevarter replies, "I make a nice living...."

10. A rabbi was opening his mail one morning. Taking a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word: "shmuck." At the next Friday night service, the Rabbi announced, "I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their names, but this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name.... and forgot to write a letter.

11. Three Jewish women get together for lunch. As they are being seated in the restaurant, one takes a deep breath and gives a long, slow "oy."The second takes a deep breath as well and lets out a long, slow "oy."The third takes a deep breath and says impatiently, "Girls, I thought we agreed that we weren't going to talk about our children."

12. And one final favorite: A waiter comes over to a table full of Jewish women and asks, "Is anything all right?"

Star of David
sent by Howard of Pasadena

Two beggars are sitting on a park bench in Mexico City. One is holding a cross and one a Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. People walk by, lift their noses at the man with the star of David and drop money on the hat held by the man with the cross.

Soon the hat of the man with the cross is filled and the hat of the man with the Star of David is empty.

A priest watches and then approaches the men. He turns to the man with the star of David and says: "Young man. Don't you realize that this is a Catholic country? You'll never get any contributions in this country holding a Star of David."

The man with the Star of David turns to the man with the cross and says: "Moishe, can you imagine, this guy is trying to tell us how to run our business?!"

Wife Painter
sent by Shag of New York

click for video

This must have come from a TV sitcom. Silly as it was, it was still funny.

People Pictures
sent by Sam of Alhambra, CA


click for video

Great concept --- people synchronizing their movements to create a picture.

Feedback

The Japanese T-shirt folding technique was by far the most popular element in last week's TGIF Joke edition. And to think that I got this over a year ago. Goes to show you can never tell what others haven't seen before. --- Raoul

From Hannah: Thanks for the tip about folding shirts. I actually followed it and it solved my problem with bulging cabinet drawers; the shirts lie flatter, so take up less space. Now if you can only find a video about how to fold fitted bedsheets, I'll finally solve my last laundry problem.

From Debbie 1: OK, so I'm dutch and practical. I loved the Japanese T-shirt folding video. THANKS

From Debbie 2: Loved the Pope joke!!
Thanks for the Rodney jokes. It is hard to find good clean jokes. Sometimes, Jeff Foxworthy has good ones with his "your a red-neck if" jokes. I'm going home tonight to try the T-shirt fold!

From DJ: Thanks for the classic Rodney Dangerfields, and guess what, the Japanese T-shirt folding also works on undies ... Hahaha!

* * *

Blame it on poor eyesight or blame it on the late hour of production but I made a boo boo commenting on a boo boo. See below.. --- Raoul

From Christof: You failed to mention that August 24th was also missing from the timetable.

From Don: Maybe if your eyesight was better you would have noticed that the 24th was left out as well. Maybe that's why you don't vomit when you look into the mirror each morning--haha!

From Amir: I noticed how your 'tgif's' keep improving ha. [There are more] cartoons, vibrant colours, longer editions, fancy layouts, etc. etc. It's incredible! How can you do this and work at the same time?! Let me know when you're going to publish a print compilation.

Marlene sent one of the winning entries last week but it was sent a year ago and she couldn't remember sending it. so I sent her proof of her email. . --- Raoul

From Marlene: Been a while since i sent you anything for tgif ... is this message really intended for me? Anyhow if it is, geez, thanks! I do enjoy reading your tgif. Also your tgif is on my company website and it is attracting people from California to my site based on location of site visitors from our web site report ... so thanks also for linking up with us

From Terry: Yo Yo R Pa!
Wild bunch of vids this time around. Love the Rodney sketch! And man, everybody's beating up on the Pope these days. HAHA

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Five Surgeons are discussing the types of people they like to operate on.

The first surgeon says:
"I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds:
"Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon says:
"No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in:
"You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."

*But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed:
"You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the [rear end] are interchangeable."

Senator's Choice
sent by Sylvia of Virginia

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the man.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit heaven."

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder."I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.
What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning ... Today you voted."

Cooking E-Coli

There was a Spinach scare for a few weeks here in the U.S. Apparently, several people got sick from the e-coli bacteria. One person actually died. A group of friends talked about it and in the course of our discussion we lamented that we could not eat it anymore. Ed, the engineer among us, said the solution was simple --- fry it with garlic and a little soy sauce. Makes sense doesn't it? After all, engineers can't go wrong, right?

So there I was, pondering what to cook for dinner. And then I saw it. The bag of spinach beckoning me to eat it. Because it was in a bag it was still fresh even though it was purchased 2 weeks before the spinach alarm went off.

Long story short, it wound up in our dinner table along with green beans and ground pork. It tasted great! Halfway through her dinner, my wife asked what the ingredients were and I told her about the spinach. She almost spit her food out. That was the last time I had a real conversation with her for the next several days. There were leftovers and no one dared touch it except me.

Needless to say, no one got sick. It was a case of imagination getting the better of reality. But this is one incident for the family "history books."

The question of the week is this: Did I put the family in jeopardy or not? Was it worth the risk? Was there any risk to begin with?

Please send me your thoughts. This should be interesting.