FOURTH MOST POPULAR JOKE
SENIOR FAMILY
sent by Mayie of Encino, CA

Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see"
She starts up the stairs and pauses. "Was I going up the stairs or down?"

The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood!" She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

THIRD MOST POPULAR JOKE
Potatoes
sent by Edith of South Pasadena

One night three convicts came looking to find a place to hide out. They had stumbled upon a Farm, so they went in. One of them accidentally steps on a chicken and it clucked so loud the farmer heard it.
The Farmer went to investigate what the loud noises was. The men heard the farmer come and hid in different places, The first guy hid behind a cow, The second guy hid behind a horse, And the third guy hid behind the sacks of Potatoes. When the farmer came in he saw nothing but he still went in to see.

When he came close to the cows the man behind them said "Moo."

The farmer moved on to the horse's, the man behind the horse's said "Neighh."

Then the farmer went to the sacks of the potatoes, and the third man behind them said "POTATOES!"

SECOND MOST POPULAR JOKE
Winter Weather Forecast
sent by Owel of East Brunswick, New Jersey

It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to cold or mild. Since he was a Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But, being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, call the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"

"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold" the meteorologist at the weather service responded. So, the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?"

"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter." The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, the Chief called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever!"

"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.

The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy!"

These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts", and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

4th Place Bonus Video
Photo Booth
sent by Ding of Vancouver

Ever wonder how silly people can be in a semi-private area such as a photo booth? Ding sent this hilarious clip of people smiling for the camera.

Have a seat, your photo will be taken shortly

3rd Place Bonus Video
Men in Coats
sent by Ding of Vancouver

You will need broadband access for this but it's worth watching these two stage comedians who do magic tricks and keep the crowd roaring at the same time.

www.deanguzman.com/dgvideo/menincoats.wmv

2nd Place Bonus Video
Scenes from Friday and Monday
sent by Randy of Pasadena

Randy says he doesn't usually send out jokes but he had to make an exception with this one. I'm glad he did. Crank up the sound for the full effect.

click here for the video

What do you do when you and your buddy have time to kill? These two chinese teenagers certainly spent it "constructively." I wonder if they realized they were going to be world famous. Since I first put this out, this video has been aired in major media stations like NBC and CNN. Turn up the volume. This is hilarious!

click here for the Chinese video

The End is Near!!!

In a few more days 2005 will join the history books. Are you excited? I am. Much has happened. I'm sure you have been bombarded with flashbacks of the year courtesy of our mass media. So rather than bore you with events you are already familar with, I will just concentrate on the events on a personal level.

Christmas 2003, I surprised my kids with their first car --- a used Pontiac Grand Prix. After the excitement died down, reality sunk in ... the reality that none of them had a driving licence so an obvious new year's resolution for them was to pass the driving tests. I would squeeze time from work to teach them the rules of the highway. It wasn't until mid year that my eldest got her license and a month later, my son got his. Being a parent I have mixed emotions --- glad that they're independent and at the same time worried that they might get into an accident.

This year my youngest daughter turned 13. She officially became a teenager and my wife and I officially lost our remaining baby to the world of boys.

My eldest daughter turned 21 and for the first time she organized a swimming birthday bash with her friends. This was probably the most fulfilling birthday she ever had. Valentine's Day I surprised my wife with a singing choir in her office. Men, if you've never done this before, you're missing out on a week of heavenly bliss from the Mrs. Now I'm wondering how I can top that one for next Valentine's day.

My wife and I moved from a regular Thursday meeting to another Friday meeting where we recharge spiritually. We miss our old group but we're enjoying our new one. It's wonderful to be able to have friends with similar values.

I also rekindled playing my favorite sport --- basketball. It was difficult at first but after the first few weeks, I passed the pain barrier and now bang bodies with kids as old as my own. I still manage a few hooks and still block a few shots. So far I have a few bruises but no broken bones.

For 3 years I have been co-leading a group called the Marketplace. We helped the jobless in the area get back into the labor force through lectures and counseling. It was draining but very rewarding. I had to leave the group because my wife felt I should spend more time with the family. I still pray for them and give my support from a distance.

This year I lost my remaining grandmother --- Lola Nene (as we fondly call her). She was 99 years old, just a month shy of the century mark. I could talk more about this fascinating woman but I might cry.

Summer time the family had a blast with friends in San Francisco and Monterey Bay. We will forever remember the kindness of the Bacal family. May God bless them abundantly.

October was an important month because it will probably be the last year the family will celebrate my son's birthday together (we anticipate his moving out to a faraway college). October was also the last month Don, my partner at WYNK was in the company payroll. He felt he needed to venture off to other opportunities. By November, I had to work double time to plug the holes that Don left behind while still continuing my old responsibilities. The partnership was nice while it lasted but I believe it was only supposed to last for a season. Now I truly believe this was for the best.

November was San Antonio month with my wife's convention. It was the first time I had ever been to Texas and boy was it an experience! The land of the Alamo is full of history and I also benefitted from the lectures of the convention.

Christmas time was spent in Santa Barbara where my parents live. This will be the last time we will be enjoying Christmas there because my folks plan to move to warmer climates.

I look forward to 2006. There is much to do. Much to learn. Much to be thankful for. Already I have plans for expansion. Plans to establish more regular clients (to help them succeed) and plans to create more jobs. My first 2 weeks of 2006 are already booked with appointments. I have developed alliances with some of the best talents in the industry to fulfill the tasks at hand. Overseeing the projects should be interesting.

May God richly bless you. May love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control and a great sense of humor be with you throughout the year!